Strange Horizons Discussion Forum: Tokyo Rising, by Lynne Hawkinson

Unfortunately this story didn't fly for me. As an expat living in Japan (for nearly a decade now), I spotted glaring mistakes that told me that either Hawkinson has never lived in Japan, or didn't bother to take in the culture while here.

First mistake:

"Her name had been Hana, and Kai had been fond of tapping her on the nose whenever he called her to him. She hadn't liked that; liked it even less when he wrote the kanji for "nose" instead of "flower" on forms."

This is a HUGE no-no in Japan and no parent would do it. Why? Because 'Flower' is the kanji for her name and NOT 'Nose' and by playing around with the kanji on someone's name means that that person would literally become A NON-PERSON IN JAPANESE GOVERNMENT RECORDS. Not an alias mind you, a NON-PERSON. Spellings and kanji are VERY SERIOUS here in Japan. You can't play with them. In fact, one of the biggest reasons Japan is having a problem with its social security system right now, is because of just such mistakes or lies. Hana stands to lose benefits, and in fact, and more importantly, her identity in the Japanese state. Not good. If you can't prove who you are, how can you pay taxes, collect benefits, register to vote, or even get a job?

Two mistakes here:

"Plastic plates and sporks: his dinners were daily picnics, noodles puddled on flower-patterned dinette sets. He didn't bother decorating his new apartment, except for a portrait of his daughter, which he bolted to the wall between the two shatterproof windows."

1) no sporks in Japan, Kai would use chopsticks. And if you think this is nitpicking, you have obviously never been to Japan.

2: Kai would NOT simply bolt his dead daughter's picture to any old wall. It would occupy a special place in the same room with the family BUTSUDAN (wiki it), where he would light incense and pray to/for her on a daily basis. EVEN in a small crappy temporary apartment. The Japanese are very serious about this kind of thing.

I could go on, but why? I think people get the point. Am I saying this work is bad? No, obviously others enjoyed it, but it is obvious to those who have lived in Japan that there are some huge mistakes in it. As a writer, I believe it MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Your profession is to create a believable world. If you fail in this by not doing your homework, some jerk like me is going to point it out.

I recommend a rewrite.