SH Comments
Reged: Feb 16 2004
Posts: 1056
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This thread is for comments and feedback about How the Mermaid Lost Her Song, by Mark Teppo.
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Paula Stiles
New user
Reged: Apr 25 2007
Posts: 11
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I admit that I didn't try this one initially because I'm not into Little Mermaid stories, and the ending is a little too quick and easy. We don't even get the detective's thought process or anything about his background before he explains all to the girl/reader.
That said, the first half is really, really good. The whole autopsy scene is creepy and originally described (loved that squid) and I did like the revenge and abuse element to it. Neither Andersen nor Disney ever got near that angle, but it would be a distinct likelihood in such a situation. What would you do if you were a shallow, self-absorbed young man with a young girlfriend who had given up literally everything--including her voice--to be with you? Nothing nice, I'm sure. I just would have liked to have seen that played out a little more in the story.
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ddavid2002
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Reged: May 26 2004
Posts: 3
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I really liked the story, though I too was puzzled at the lack of info about the detectives thought processes in solving the mystery. I found the whole thing imbued with a miasma of melacholy that could not have been bettered.
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Coalbiter
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Reged: Jun 23 2007
Posts: 4
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I've come late to this, but still:
A good idea, well told. I enjoyed the Metaphysical Detective, and I even liked his exposition in the third section. But I agree with the other commentators that the gap between the autopsy and the introduction of Phreniwit on the one hand, and his solution on the beach on the other, is too great. We need something between the laying out of the mystery and its solution.
I also struggled with the setting. I assume from the mention of the Chief Constable and Scotland Yard that we are in England, but the story is marred by too many Americanisms. Suffolk County is in New York State, or Florida, or whatever. The English county of Suffolk is known simply as Suffolk. Medical examiner - in this sense - is an American term. In England we would say forensic pathologist , or more likely just pathologist . " An institute up north by Derbyshire that is close to the sea ," is a nonsense. Derbyshire is landlocked, and " by Derbyshire " makes no sense at all. Try substituting " Wyoming " and you'll see what I mean.
(Incidentally, do British writers do the States as unconvincingly as most Americans do Britain?)
But for all that, this story has a strength and power. I'd like to read more by Mark Teppo.
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Paula Stiles
New user
Reged: Apr 25 2007
Posts: 11
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I thought there might be some inconsistencies in that area, but as I'm mainly familiar with Scotland not England (most of what I've seen of England has been from the train), I didn't pursue them.
Edited by Paula Stiles (Fri Jul 13 2007 06:47 PM)
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Mark Teppo
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Reged: Jul 17 2007
Posts: 1
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re: Coalbiter's notes.
I'll take those hits. They're deserved. I remember going back and forth quite a bit on how to refer to the pathologist in an effort to get it right, but um, yeah, apparently, I picked the wrong one. Thanks for the comments, though (from all of you, actually).
A great deal of your expressed frustration about how the story unfolded is/was an awkward display of growing pains. I have some other ideas for Phreniwit that will (hopefully) not suffer from being so constrained.
-m
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Paula Stiles
New user
Reged: Apr 25 2007
Posts: 11
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I wouldn't mind seeing another Phreniwit tale.
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